Panic button!

Ok, ok, I know.  My posts have been a bit fewer these days.  Between my sister actually requesting more blog updates and the new tab screen on Internet Explorer saying that blogger has been "less active", I've received the message, loud and clear!

The thing is, I've actually spent a great deal of time writing lately, my thesis that is!  I am aspiring to graduate this December, defending my thesis on December 2nd.  That's the plan and what I've been working towards ever since I found out my boss was leaving the university and I had better get my act in gear.  All along, I've been thinking "December, I have time.  December, I have time..."  Last week, B said to me, "Are you going to be able to finish in two months?"  Two months, who was he kidding, I had until December!  Except that it was the end of September and I'm defending on the second day of December, so really, yeah, two months.

(Here's where I go into a spiral of panic!)

I've been working on the same three experiments/goals since July with limited success.  I've finally finished my first author paper manuscript and got that off my to do list, now my actual thesis is looming in front of me (all while trying to finish those same three experiments).  ARRRGGGHHH!

So, I apologize if I haven't updated more, but between being nauseous (and throwing up in the morning), researching, reading and writing for my thesis, and trying to get these last darn experiments to work when everything in the world of research that can go wrong will, I just haven't been able to do many blog updates.  (Seriously, between cell contamination, my incubator breaking, and my supplies being back ordered, what else can go wrong?  No.  Wait.  I'd rather not find out, thank-you-very-much.)

I have found some time to do some crafting.  I'll try to write some updates about those very soon.  Here are some hints, courtesy of pinterest (are you following me there yet?  check it out! http://pinterest.com/melissa_w_hayes)

Source: makingmemorieswithyourkids.blogspot.com via Melissa on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via Melissa on Pinterest

Source: kikicreates.blogspot.com via Melissa on Pinterest

I'm also doing some custom dresses for a friend for their annual family photo shoot.  The material just came in this weekend and is waiting to be washed.  Their two adorable girls will be wearing pillowcase dresses in these fabrics:

So that's the update.  I'm about to get waist deep in the exciting details of the "inflammasome".  If you're interested, maybe I'll write a post about what I actually research.  Since you're probably not interested, I'll write some updates about my craft projects very soon.  Pinky swear!

I've been busy doing math.

So I'm finding I have less time to write my blog these days.  I used to be able to work on each piece while in lab.  The beauty of my job is that each experiment always has "incubation times".  These times vary from 5 minutes to an hour to three hours, so I usually try to find something to do in between and voila! - my blog fit neatly into that space.

However, now that the crunch is on and I MUST GRADUATE, I am finding my incubation times filled with another experement to set up, and then another one, and then another.  My lab mate looked quizzically at me yesterday as I stopped in my tracks obviously lost in my thoughts.  "Doing math?" he joked.  "Trying to figure out how I'm going to do 32 plates of plaque assays tomorrow", I replied.  He laughed as only one who understands that amount of work can laugh - he's sort of going through the same thing.  (By the way, normally, we only do 4-8 plates a day, with 8 being a lot.) (So, yeah, I guess the answer to his question was that I was doing math. :)

The benefit of all this craziness is that my mentor is finally being just that - a mentor, truly for the first time in 4 years.  We sit across from each other and discuss data, strategy, timelines.  He assists me in writing my first paper manuscript and how to prepare my figures.  He's actually showed some human emotion and been more of a three dimensional person.  Man, it really stinks that he's leaving and that it took him leaving for me to see what his mentorship could be!  I'm really going to miss him!  He's been more demanding of my time, hence the multiple experiments in addition to draft requests over the weekend, but I almost don't even mind when he's so willing to work with me.

Anyways, these updates may be more scattered in the weeks to come, but I'm going to do my best to work in some blog time... as well as gym time, sewing time, and me time, anyone else feel like there's never enough time?

Oh poop!

If you know me IRL, or you've been reading for a while, you know that I have certain OCD-type, germophobic issues. 

I thought it was bad when we started letting Miss T feed herself and all that mashed up goodness was everywhere.

B thought it was appalling when Miss T got sick for the first time and he walked in on her playing in and with her own vomit.  (seriously, true story - but that's B's story to tell)

Last night though, Miss T gave me a nice surprise and kicked things up a notch.  Little by little, this girl is going to break me!

We were having  a lovely evening.  Twice a week, B works late and it's just us girls.

We got to chat with our neighbors and their adorable kids.

We went to the park with our dog and enjoyed the warm afternoon.

We had dinner in the kitchen and I was able to make lots of babyfood for Miss T.

Then it was bath time.  I love bath time.  I might love it more than Miss T does and my appreciation for bath time is ever increasing now that she is Miss Independent and a mover and a shaker!  At least during bathtime, I know I can put her in that little blue tub inside of my tub and she will be stationary and content for about 15 minutes.

I took advantage of this momentary reprieve to call B at work and catch up on our day, make plans for our dinner, etc.

Miss T was making some funny faces - she does that from time to time.

Yadda, yadda, yadda, chatting away with B.  Hang on a second, where did she get that playdough from?

Nope, wait.  Not playdough.  POOP!!!!!

Apparently, my daughter thinks she is an endless source of new materials to play with, from toes, to vomit, to poop. (think Litter Critters from SNL!)

For a moment, I suffered a slight brain aneurism.  Then, like any momma, you do what you have to do.  Several fancy maneuvers later, she was taking a bath in the big tub, while the little tub awaited clean up.

I'll spare you the details about how the little poop pieces were caught on my drain strainer, or how little pieces were caught in the shower mat and T kept trying to grab them.  Ok, I didn't spare you.

Anyhow, 30 minutes later, B came home to a fast asleep daughter and a wife fiercly disinfecting every surface in her bathroom, including the inside of the drain.

Lessons learned?
I can overcome and do what I have to do for my baby.
She will break me of my OCD issues.
Clorox wipes are my best friend.
In a pinch, poop makes a great playdough substitute!

Alright, I have to leave you with some adorable pictures though!  How cute is she!?

And just so everyone can see what a little stinker she's going to be when she grows up...

Sick Momma

Ok, I've found a new way to top "Mommy Guilt" - The Sick Momma

I rarely get sick.
Of course I get the occasional cold, but as far as really sick?  I'm lucky to say that only happens once every couple of years. 
And by really sick, I mean
the need to sleep for 15 hours in a row - for three days in a row,
body feels like it was run over by a garbage truck,
head is about to explode,
the mere thought of a sip of water or ginger ale is as appetizing as drinking bleach.

The last time I was sick like this, my weight dropped to high school levels.  I remember it clearly, January 2008.  After it passed, I remembered being weak and pale for days.

Well, I've was struck victim again this year.  From Sunday to Tuesday I was racked by - well all the above symptoms, but in addition was The Guilt. 

See, this time, I have a baby girl to care for, love and be available for.  Even in my disorientation I tried to be present.  I swaddled myself up on the couch with her on a playmat in front of me.  I'm not lying when I say I couldn't even muster up the energy to look at her, nevermind interact, play, smile at her.  I think she could sense trouble brewing.  That day she started making her concerned face.

Thank God for my husband.  For all his germophobia, he remained healthy and took care of Miss T while I slept Sunday away.  At one point around, oh, 5:30 pm, I remember him saying something to the effect of "I'm just going to leave you alone so you can rest".  You know when I saw him next? 1:30am!  Then it was back to bed until 8:00am.

In my pre-mommy days, the second day of a sickness is bearable.  While you may not be able to work, you can manage to provide for yourself - barely.  I was in a panic regarding how I was going to be able to manage for my self and my child!  I actually begged my husband to stay home.  The wonderful man that he is, he called in, again took care of both me and Miss T, and still managed to get some work done.  He's amazing I tell you!

Day three, you can usually drag yourself to work or you can milk it and use it as a "recuperation day".  I had our friend watch T while I slept. 

All this time, The Guilt was building. 
For three days now, I hadn't been able to kiss, hug, or somehow demonstrate my complete infatuation with my baby girl.
I hadn't been able to stimulate her intellect, nurture her curiosity, foster her courage. 
Have I permanently stunted her growth and development?

Ahh, day four.  I actually want to eat.  Of course its just a bagel and I regret eating the whole thing afterwards, but just that I desired to eat was HUGE.  And not just that, I can not only pretend to smile at Miss T, I am grinning ear to ear just to hold her, talk to her, play with her.  While I should have stayed home all day again to rest, we went on a lunch date, me and T.  We played all afternoon.  I got to hug and kiss her goodnight.

We're slowly getting back to normal.  The laundry piles are getting smaller and perhaps I'll actually make a real dinner tonight.  Poor hubby.  He was our big time hero this week.  I love you baby!  Hopefully its another three years until The Sickness strikes again!

Can I get a hand please?

Yes, it's halfway through January and I'm just getting around to my resolutions.
(I'm famous for procrastinating!) 
Here's the thing, I have a very big year planned for me regarding school, Miss T, a new business, among other things.  I've spent the last couple of days making plans for the year. And I've found myself sinking into a downward spiral of panic.  Here's what I've got planned:
Graduate by the end of December,
launch my Etsy shop,
find new daycare place/provider for Miss T by June. 
Any one of these things would be a huge undertaking, put them all together and it's a perfect storm for
"Everything has to be perfect"-Me. 
However, none of these things is my actual resolution.  My resolution is
(I'm being really brave here because it's hard for me to share this stuff sometimes, all the time)
to grow my relationship with God.
Ok, deep breath, it's out there. 
Growing up as Holiday Catholics (you know, Christmas and Easter, baptized but not confirmed), we didn't talk about God, He wasn't an every day presence in our lives, and we certainly didn't turn to Him for help. 
My husband will tell you that I am
Miss Independent-I-can-do-it-ALL-BY-MYSELF
(thank-you-very-much).
Well, I can't.  Just admitting that I can't is hard enough for me, but now I really need to turn to God,
because,
well,
I just can't do all of this without Him.  I know that He can see me through, and that by growing closer to Him, I will be a better wife, Mom, and student/scientist.  He is the center of all of this and so I'm making Him the center of my resolution. 

So with that, I'm leaving you with my favorite verse of all time. 
This verse saw me through my recovery (physical and emotional) after our miscarriage. 
If it could carry me then, it can certainly carry me now.

Jeremiah 29:11
""For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Mashed Goodness

Hubs and I are sort of known for being, well... clean.  We tend to have more rules about cleanliness than most surgical suites do!  For illustrative purposes, if we find out someone that has been to our house succumbed to a stomach illness shortly thereafter, we will go around our house disinfecting every door knob, handle and commonly touched surface in order to prevent contracting the dreaded virus or bacteria ourselves.  We are even more "particular" than that. We each have our own toothpaste and have NEVER shared a toothbrush (I know, it doesn't have to make sense to any one but us), drinking glasses are only handled by the sides and never the top, and food is never shared between us.

Well, God has to have a sense of humor, and if he does, he must be rolling with laughter right about now.  He matched us well when he put the two of us together, but Miss T is about to break our rules and our sterile spirits.  Tonight, we let Miss T feed her dinner to herself! 

Gasp!  I know!  All of you must be in the same panic we were!  OK, maybe you weren't, but we were absolutely twitching.  Let it be clear that this was done with the premeditated plan of dropping her in the tub as soon as she was done and we conducted this torture treatment (to us, not her) in the dining room at Grammy's house.  Dinner consisted of roast beef, mashed potatoes and butternut squash. 

This was about half way into our meal.  Hubs and I are nearly losing it by this point!  Take a closer look at those hands, they are filled with potatoes and squash.  Miss T is quite simply enjoying her handy little lollipop as she brings the fistful of mashed goodness back and forth between her mouth and the tray.

We knew she was done when she started painting her tray.  It was lovely.  The girl has a natural talent for texture and color.  Once I saw those hands wandering near her head/hair, dinner time was officially over.  The good news is that my darling husband and I survived without hyperventilating or collapsing into the fetal position on the floor while rocking and repeating the soothing mantra "Lysol and bleach, Lysol and bleach".  Miss T thoroughly enjoyed her meal and the ensuing bath (complete with new squirting bath toys).  It was quite the exciting evening and probably one of many to come.  That poor little girl is just going to have to live in the tub I think.  I'm having visions of installing a garbage disposal into our bath tub and giving her meals in there (thanks Seinfeld)!

Here are more of my favorite pictures:

Just look at those hands!

I want to eat those cheeks!

Eyes that melt my heart!

Jury Duty

Not until living in one of the murder capitals of the county did I ever get summoned for jury duty. Now, it appears to be a yearly event. The last time I was summoned, I was #420-something. That translated into one of the 600 summons that required attendance, sitting in a cold room all day watching horrible movies (Last Holiday, Meet the Parents - ok, not so bad, and Home Alone - in February!). Of course, as fate would have it, I was summoned for the last trial selection of the day. At least I didn't have to watch Last Holiday - AGAIN!

It was probably the best civics/social studies lesson I've ever had, sitting in that courtroom, listening to the judge give instructions and watching countless people trying in vain to get out of doing their duty. The judge was great and actually said something to the effect of "Unless you're dying, you're not getting out of doing your civic duty." Love it! Being a reasonable person and not being able to lie (seriously, I can't do it!), I didn't make any objections and was actually seated as juror #11! This did concern me a bit since the defendants were arrested for illegal gun possession and were from West Baltimore - exactly where we mentor kids on Wednesday nights! Well, it didn't take too long before the the defendants' attorney vetoed my position and I quickly learned that even though the defendants had the same complexion as me, they didn't consider me a peer. Luckily I was dismissed and able to go home, but I learned some very valuable lessons that day:

1. Christmas movies should not be watched outside of the Christmas season.
2. There is no amount of reading material that can occupy a person for 8 hours in the same chair.
3. The waiting room for jury duty is quite possibly the best place to people watch.
4. I am worth way more than the $15 they pay you for showing up to jury duty.
5. You better have a really good reason if you are actually going to speak to a judge to try to get out of jury duty!
6. If your lawyer is going to give you a sweater to look presentable, make sure he gives you pants too so that you don't wear sweatpants. You will be standing up in court.
7. If you are educated and "fair", you're probably not going to be seated on a jury in Baltimore city.
8. Years of watching Law and Order forms my foundation for understanding legal jargon.

I review these lessons as I prepare myself to return to jury duty tomorrow. I am summons #921. In years past, this meant that I wouldn't have to report for duty. As such, I made plans for tomorrow, including a hair appointment to prepare for a fancy holiday work party tomorrow night. However, it appears that all 999 summons that were sent for today's jury duty were required to attend, meaning, all 999 summons sent for tomorrow (including my #921) will likely have to attend as well. I won't find out until at 5:00pm tonight when I call the hotline to see what numbers are reporting. My fingers are crossed, hoping that tomorrow's docket is light. Stay tuned for updates!