Mommy Guilt

Through several conversations I've had this week, I starting to think there is an epidemic called

Mommy Guilt!

Why is is that no matter what we do,
we always feel like we are coming up short and failing

our husbands,

children,

careers,

and ourselves?

Why do we put so much pressure and demands on ourselves?

In a conversation with a fellow co-worker the other day, we discussed how we felt torn between our careers and our families.  Both of us have invested a lot of time into our education.  Both of us felt that while we weren't excelling in our careers, we also weren't succeeding as mothers. 

I sometimes even feel like I'm failing at both. 

She told me a story of a friend of hers, a successful laywer,
who took an entire year off when her son was born. 

I thought "whoa". 

What courage! 

What bravery! 

What love!

In our minds, however, to do something like that would "kill" our careers.  So, in the meantime, we gush over our babies when we are with them, provide the best care we can while we are working, and beat ourselves up for it every day!

As I mentioned before, I was able to participate in a round table discussion about breastfeeding and coming back to work.  I truly identified with some of the other women there.  "Jackie" was committed to breastfeeding her daughter for one year and then she was "off duty"!  "Sarah", a fellow student, was so relieved to hear about our school's president making policy that supported staff and student rights to breastfeed.  I was truly touched by two of the other women there.

"Cindy" was 11 weeks along with her second child.  With her first, she had been able to take that mystical year off.  Now with her second, she was working full time as a dental assistant and going to school for nursing.  You go Momma!  But that ambition was coming at a price.  She spends 12 hours a day away from home.  Yet, she wants to give her new baby the best she can, while providing a better life for her first.  Cindy was going to have to make a lot of sacrifices to make this happen.

"Nadia" has a one year old daughter at home and is starting to think about "number 2". However, she was concerned about nursing, with all the issues she had with her first.  Having a c-section and then an inverted nipple, her daughter had become a lazy nurser, then her supply dropped, and Nadia made the heartbreaking decision to give up nursing after about a month of exhaustive efforts.  As she tells her story, Nadia says things like "I messed this up", "I did this wrong", "It's my fault".  Watching her tell her story, my heart was breaking for her.  Now, in law school, Nadia has class all day and is trying to figure out how she'll manage maternity leave if she can't be in class and some of the lectures aren't recorded, never mind how she'll juggle the demands of studying, nursing and getting in some sleep as well.

I'll be the first one to admit that before being a mother, I had absolutely no understanding of the demands that is placed on those shoulders.  Now, as I look at the moms around me, I see them wearing their Mommy Guilt like blanket, weighing them down, suffocating them.

"You're doing a great job!!!!"

I want to tell each and every one of them!

But can I say that to myself?

Yes, I can. 

When I look at this smile.

When I hear these giggles.

How can I be failing as much as I think I am when she looks like this?

Momma, look at your children, their smiles.

Hear their giggles.

Even if they can't say the words yet,

they love you,

they adore you,

and they think you are amazing.

(just like I do!)


-Melissa

Nursing Student (hehe)

My university recently established a Lactation Center in its
newly built Campus Center. 
It was a huge step forward for all the moms on campus! 
Here's what they have to say about it...

"The Wellness Hub supports a mother’s choice to breastfeed her baby while pursuing her graduate or professional degree. Any nursing mother who is a university affiliate (faculty, staff, student, or their breastfeeding spouse/domestic partner) can register to use the Wellness Hub Lactation Station in room 339 in the Campus Center."

Equipped with a hospital grade pump, you can bring your own accessories,
or your own personal pump.
While I have a closet in my building to use
(don't even get me started on how COLD it is in there),
this center was extremely helpful the day the power was out in my building!

I received an email today from KaraS, a wellness fellow at the center, inviting me to speak as a "peer expert" as part of a class that focuses on having a good start with breastfeeding, basic breastfeeding techniques, and how to work breastfeeding into your work or school life. 
Little ole me?  Really? 
I'm so excited to help a fellow student!  I remember when I first returned to work and how difficult it was to shut out the world and focus on providing nourishment for Miss T.  The awkward absences from lab, the jarring knocks on my closet door (hello! I'm busy!), the freely flowing tears as I poured over picture after picture of Miss T, missing her dearly
every.single.day. 

Before accepting this offer, I quickly jotted down some of my tricks and experiences.  For example
-not wearing a dress to work unless it had buttons down the front (my fellow momma's understand!)
-trying to schedule and coordinate pumping with T's feeding times
-giving up the idea that I could be productive during this time and instead just relaxed
-dealing with the ever dreaded bottle strike!
So, I'll be sending a recap after the class, it's scheduled for February 9th at noon. 
I'm so excited to meet some new or soon to be mommas and share my experiences! 
Wish me luck!

-Melissa

p.s. If any of you have tips, tricks or insights to share on how you were able to fit pumping into your work/school routine, I'd love to hear about it!

p.p.s My own title made me laugh, that's why the "hehe"!  Yep, I'm corny like that!