So thankful

Today I am thankful...

-that even though we were rear-ended, we're okay.

-that no one was in front of us and no one else got hurt.

-that even though we were delayed in picking up our girls, they weren't in the car with us.

-that our girls still have two living parents.

-that even though we woke up the next morning very sore, nothing was broken and we were not seriously hurt.

-that even though the rear bumper of our 4 month old car is smashed in, we are still able to drive it (sorta) until the repair process gets going.

-that even though the person that hit us had a suspended license, they did have insurance.

-that B and I can still find humor together in every situation.

So while I may gripe and complain later about the repair process, getting back and forth, etc., for today I am VERY thankful.

My Coral and Jade Birthday

First, I am so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and well wishes for me on my birthday this year.  My phone was "blowing up" all over the place with facebook notifications, text messages, tweets, etc.  If nothing else, social media, you know how to make a girl feel special!

I really did feel special this weekend.  I got to find some "me" time and spend the morning with some lovely ladies from my church doing Holy Yoga.  It was great exercise, worship, and socialization, all things that I get way too little of regularly!

That's me on the green mat!

Afterwards, I go to go home, enjoy a long hot shower while the girls naps overlapped (thanks little ladies!) and then B took me out to celebrate.  In the last couple of years, it's been harder and harder for us to stay out, never mind get out, and usually we are home by 9:00pm.  Lame!  We were determined not to fall victim again this year!

We started off by going to Henninger's in Fells Point.  It's a few blocks away from the hub-bub of Fells, but on this night it was a bit more subdued since there was a playoff football game going on that pulled people away from fancy dinners.  We were the only people in the restaurant section and we enjoyed our meal at a leisurely pace.  The food was great and the atmosphere was true to Baltimore in its quirkiness, mixing up elephants with UFOs in their decor.

In an effort to prolong our excursion, we went to a different location for dessert.  Truly, in Baltimore, this is the only place to go for dessert on your birthday, Vaccaro's in Little Italy.  I ordered the Franciscan from the specials menu and was awarded with a dinner sized plate of Hazelnut Cake, coffee gelatto, and a glob of whipped cream that could stand alone as dessert.  I maybe had 4-5 bites, was totally stuffed, and took the rest home.  My apologies to my friends on the "Whole30" diet who were forced to see this picture and be reminded of what you're missing.  

Enough cake to feed the whole city!

Then we started to falter.  What do we do now?  We considered our options and settled on checking out Patrick's Irish Whiskey and Cappuchino bar just a few blocks from our house.  We've driven past this establishment for 7 years now without ever going in and figured it was about time.  I am so glad we did!  I had had sufficient caffeine and alcohol already (one drink limits for both!), so I had water while B enjoyed a pint off the tap.  

Smile for the camera kids!

The bartender introduced himself as Tommy and was friendly and inviting, despite our meager imbibing.  We were the youngest people by at least 20 years, which on my 35th birthday, felt pretty good to be considered a young'un.  The best part was the live Irish fold singer who knew my two favorite songs, Fields of Athenry and Whiskey in the Jar (apparently based on the Dread Pirate Roberts, marrying another favorite topic of mine).  It was a great ending to my celebration!  

Juggling Act

As a post-doc and a mother of two (2.5 years old and 9 months old), I’m often asked “How do you do it?”

The truthful answer is – barely.

I’m certainly not excelling in any area of my life, whether as a post-doc, wife, or mother.  I’m really just getting by in each area. On top of that, I have no life.  Seriously, if you asked me today what I do for fun, I would have no idea how to answer you.  I used to do lots of things – go out with friends, go running or hiking, read a book, sew, go shopping, go to the movies, etc.  My weekends are now filled with laundry, errands, and wiping bums.

I love it.

You might not have expected that, right?  How could that be fun?  If not fun, it is incredibly fulfilling.  I have a job I love, a supportive husband, two beautiful girls, what more could I ask for?  Ok, maybe more sleep.

10 years ago, when I was struggling with the decision to go back to school or not, the lingering doubt in my mind was whether there would ever be a “good” time to have a family and would I be willing to make sacrifices in order to “have it all”.  Luckily, a good friend and colleague of mine had just finished her post-doc, was just starting her family, and wished she hadn’t waited, telling me that grad school was the most flexible time of her life.  I took her advice and experiences to heart and had my first daughter a few months after proposing my thesis research and my second just one month after defending that research.

In order to make it all work, I need support in every aspect of my life.  I need a husband that is willing to step in and assume some of my roles/duties when I need to go to work at midnight for growth curve media collection, and I need a boss that understands that daycare closes at 5:30 and I need to be out of here in time to pick up my littles.  It’s definitely a juggling act and one slip could cause everything to crash.  I live in a constant state of anxiety and guilt, feeling that I’m not living up to expectations.  But those expectations are only imposed by me.  If I stop to listen to the people around me, asking how I do it, it’s because we’re succeeding, somehow. 

Somehow, my experiments get done. 

Somehow, my children are clean, fed, and well behaved.  

Somehow, my husband and I have 30 minutes each night to crash on the couch together and just catch our breath.

I tell myself, over and over, that all things are temporary and this crazy phase of life will soon pass…, only to be replaced by new kinds of crazy (think ballet lessons, grant deadlines, etc.).  But it’s working, and I have so much to be proud of.  So, while I may not be winning prestigious awards or getting nominated for Mommy-of-the-Year anytime soon, I am awarded with happy kids and a husband that love me, and slow-but-steady progression of research.

Also posted on my nerdy blog at http://postdocexperience.scienceblog.com/2013/01/08/juggling-act/

Hoarders 2032

"On the next episode of "Hoarders", season 26, episode3:
Meet T, young, bright, talented, and beautiful.  But her secret is going to bury her alive..."


My current, irrational fear for my daughter's future - hoarding.  She has been very attached to a few items recently and there are others that she rotates in and out, but wherever she goes, she is burdened with all the things she feels compelled to carry with her.  The regular items include Mimi&Binky (when we let her, trying to keep these for bedtime only), drumsticks, and Teddy.  Other items have included DVD cases, purses, new Mimi, Baby Doll, and a weird play mobile attachment part that resembles a question mark two feet long that T calls her "umbrella".  She even insists on sleeping with these items, as uncomfortable as they may be.

I've tried to suggest that she has too many things to carry and offer to help.  This is met with responses like "No, that's mines," or "I had it first".  Apparently, she is already prepared to her younger sister to start stealing her clothes.

"Where my DVD case?" says K.

In this picture, I really wanted to get a cute shot of my coordinating girls and tried to pry away the DVD case, Teddy, and High School Musical purse (filled with an assortment of items), but she refused. At least I got the smile!

So, I don't know if this is normal 2.5 year old behavior (I'm sure it is).  I'm watching closely though.  I've had first hand experience with cleaning up after a hoarder and it was horrifying.  Excuse me now, as I purge four trash bags full of clothes to donate...

On a side note, the other day, T said, "Look Mummy, there are three many birds!"  Puzzled, I asker her to repeat what she said, and again she stated "three many birds."  It took me a couple of minutes to figure out she hears me say "too many" (as in she is carrying too many things) and assumes I say "two many".  Thus, the logical toddler interpretation for even more of something would be "three many".  I need to figure out how to clarify that for her, right after I explain one snowman, two snowmen.  :)

Zombiemom

Friends of ours from T's and K's daycare just had a baby boy, their second child.  After 63 grueling hours of labor, he entered the world at 7lbs7oz.  A beautiful bundle of joy that I won't be visiting anytime soon.

Its not that I don't want to see the adorable little newborn and the beaming happy parents.  But, I have two very good reasons for not visiting in the near future.

1: I'm sick with a cough.  Enough said.  No one should ever go visit a newborn if they are sick.

2: I don't want to burst their bubble.

Let me clarify #2 a little bit.

I'm exhausted.  I haven't slept for more than 4 hours in a night for a long, long time.  Too often, 4am is when I start my day.  Even if I can get K to have a good sleeping night, something else fills the void.  Door bells being rung at midnight, T coming into our room asking where her binky is, our dog barking at something outside or just being creepy (seriously, why does he stand between us at night and just stare??!!).

Sure our new parents-of-2 friends are also tired.  Their first is just about 3 years old, and after 3 days of labor, I know they are wiped out.  But that's a different kind of tired.  You have a whole lot of adrenaline going, you're excited about your growing family, you've been able to store up some reserves for the sleep drain that's coming.  Nearly 8 months after K's arrival, I am plain worn out.  I don't have anything left.  There's no adrenaline, no reserves.  I'm running on empty.  I can't remember where I park my car anymore, and I can barely make a full sentence.

So, even if I weren't sick, I still wouldn't be visiting our friends right away.  Just the sight of me might send them into tailspins regarding the adventure they are now on and fill them with questions and doubt.  They deserve to be able to go into this era blindly, blissfully, ignorantly happy with thoughts of "I know we can, I know we can" chanting in their heads.  They'll figure it out soon enough.  By that point, hopefully, we're in a different phase ourselves where the little people in our home are sleeping soundly through the night and I can look back and say, "Oh, yeah.  That was rough, but you'll get through it," with some element of confidence.

So, Congrats M, K, and big sister A!  I hope you didn't actually read this and lose all hope!  Get whatever rest you can!  I'll be bringing you dinner soon, even if I only leave it at the doorstep and run!


yep, that looks about right.