Missing you!

So I have this wonderful self preservation trick that when there is something that will upset me, I just don't think about it.  It's a wonderful switch that I can flip and then that dark shadow is gone - out of sight, out of mind.  Poof!

clap. clap. (that's me wiping my hands free)

Until the time approaches and all that wonderful, oblivious bliss collapses upon itself into a panic-stricken, terrifying super cell of emotions.

See what a great trick it is?

I have lived in this oblivious state all week now.  Prodding along in my research.  Adjusting a presentation here, wrapping up an experiment there.  Coming home to play with the babe, make dinner, do laundry, chat with the hubby.  All the while, Saturday was approaching.

The collapse happened last night, roughly about 11:00pm.  As I tried in vain to fall asleep, my protective forces broke down and I started to panic.  See, on Saturday morning, I'm getting on a plane to Minneapolis to attend a conference for five days.  I haven't left T (except for work) for more than five hours since she was born.  There was so much to do!  I have to leave the house clean, the laundry done, the pantry stocked.  I have to show Bryan how to wash her diapers, how she likes to be rocked right before going to sleep, our routine of minky-binky-book.  How was I going to get this all done in 36 hours?!?!

And then these lovely thoughts started entering my head:

What if she cries the whole time because she misses me?

What if she doesn't miss me at all?

What if she thinks that K, our babysitter, is her new mom?

Will she not be happy to see me when I get home?  Will she feel abandoned?

Will she know that I still love her?

And those questions continued into the wee hours when I finally fell asleep.

In the light of day, several things are perfectly clear, most importantly:
1. B is a great Dad and can/will handle anything that comes up.
2. T loves me, knows I love her, and will be JUST FINE while I'm away.

Those two thoughts are going to be my mantra the next five days while I try to pay attention to lectures and seminars, while I try to give my own talk, and try to enjoy visiting a new city.  We will be making great use of the iPhone facetime (did I mention that B now has an iPhone too - and loves it so!).

(On a side note, how great of a commercial would that make?  Mom goes away for work all teary eyed and while waiting for the plane, Dad and Baby call on facetime and reassure her it will all be ok.  Apple, are you listening?  You better have cameras waiting for me at the airport!)

Anyhow, in the grand scheme of things, its just five days.  It will fly by.  It will be good for me to get away and get some rest.  It will be great bonding time for B and T.  It will be over before I know it.  B is a great Dad.  T knows I love her. 

B is a great Dad.  T knows I love her. 

B is a great Dad.  T knows I love her...