Yesterday was a bummer of a day. It was one that began with such high hopes, which made it all that much worse when everything crashed. I had been working on a two week experiment and yesterday was going to be the final day of analysis, to see if it actually worked. On top of that, it was two experiments in one, two of the three experiments that I've been working on since July, two of the three experiments that I need to complete in order to graduate on time. I was so built up about it, that I even had a team of people praying that all would go well.
Well, it didn't. Controls didn't work - which means the experiment didn't work - which means that I'm not likely to graduate this December as I had been planning. I was so depressed about the results that I couldn't even talk about it without tearing up. I think I ate 5 fun size candy bars and I was still depressed. I had a spoonful of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and I was still depressed. I made my way to T's daycare to pick up the munchkin. As soon as I walked in "MUM!" and dancing. Lots of dancing. Well, I guess things can't be all that bad right?
T and I had a busy but awesome afternoon together. One lady even remarked to me how well behaved she was and asked if she was always like this. Beaming, I had to reply, "Actually, yes!". Running late, we had a quick bath night and off to bed, but I still wan't able to make dinner for my hubs. Starting to slip into that funk again (what kind of wife am I that I can't even have dinner ready on nights that B works late?), I walked to the door when I heard his key turn. Knowing how my day had been earlier, he surprised me with flowers. Flowers! I am seriously the luckiest woman on Earth. I have a beautiful, funny, daughter with a great personality who always makes me laugh and smile - AND I have a husband that is kind, sincere, thoughtful, loving and forgiving when we have grilled chese for dinner. Who needs medication when you have all that?
Showing posts with label science. Show all posts
Showing posts with label science. Show all posts
Friday, October 21, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
When I grow up...
It seems that I've been on a particular path for about 87.9% of my life (I actually did the math). My mom will tell you that from an early age I wanted to be a scientist, wear a lab coat, figure out life, and save the world. I was always organized (my dolls were arranged in order of size and then based on the color of their outfits, I know, ridiculous), curious, and wanting to know more. Through high school, I elected to take as many biology classes as I could and went to college for a BS in Biotechnology. I worked for 6 years as a Research Associate, doing the "research" that other people wanted, not really finding my purpose. I was starting to get "itchy". I wanted more than that. So I went back to school to get my PhD.
Fast forward 5+ years, and here I am, approaching the end of my graduate school career, mere months away from defending my thesis research and earning the elusive title of "Doctor of Philosophy in Molecular Microbiology and Immunology". I'm also finding that I have no idea what I want to do afterwards.
Huh?
I've been working toward this goal my entire life: to be a scientist, figure out life, and save the world. Now I'll have the credentials I need to do my own research, to go on and have the most productive research lab in the history of research and get that Nobel Prize by the ripe age of 40. Right?
Except... now I have a family.
For someone who never even entertained the idea of kids, I love being a mom and its my biggest priority (right after being a good wife!). My daughter is my world. I fall asleep thinking of her and wake up thinking of her and every moment in between. It's also been the most universally challenging and guilt-ridden job I've ever had. Normally at work, I know immediately (or within a few days) if I've messed up. I won't know until she's an adult if I've done irreparable damage!
So now, I find myself with completely different priorities than that 4 year old little girl who dreamed of saving the world through science. I still love it and find it completely fulfilling, but it competes with the time I can spend with my family. If I stay on the path I've been on, my days and evenings (and yes, even weekends) will be filled with grant applications, traveling to speaking engagements and conferences on top of research and teaching. Is there some sort of compromise? I wish I had the answer.
As I approach the end of my endentured servanthood (i.e. grad student), I am weighing my options. How important is it to me to do actual research? Are there other ways I can contribute to society within my field? What else can I do with my degree? I've only done research, am I capable of something else?
I've learned a few things from countless seminars, job fairs, etc. One is that a path one takes to their ultimate profession is never straight. There are lots of bumps, wrong turns and detours along the way. It's okay for me to try something else, even if it doesn't work out. I've also learned that it's never too late to reinvent yourself. In fact, in this workplace and economy, it's almost essential that you do so every 5-10 years. Alright, so maybe my next move isn't the decisive factor in who I will be. Maybe its just a stepping stone or specific experience that makes me stand out in a crowd. Maybe I don't need to put so much pressure on my choices now. Maybe I'm ready to try something new. After all, I tried being a mom and look how much I love that!
Fast forward 5+ years, and here I am, approaching the end of my graduate school career, mere months away from defending my thesis research and earning the elusive title of "Doctor of Philosophy in Molecular Microbiology and Immunology". I'm also finding that I have no idea what I want to do afterwards.
Huh?
I've been working toward this goal my entire life: to be a scientist, figure out life, and save the world. Now I'll have the credentials I need to do my own research, to go on and have the most productive research lab in the history of research and get that Nobel Prize by the ripe age of 40. Right?
Except... now I have a family.
For someone who never even entertained the idea of kids, I love being a mom and its my biggest priority (right after being a good wife!). My daughter is my world. I fall asleep thinking of her and wake up thinking of her and every moment in between. It's also been the most universally challenging and guilt-ridden job I've ever had. Normally at work, I know immediately (or within a few days) if I've messed up. I won't know until she's an adult if I've done irreparable damage!
So now, I find myself with completely different priorities than that 4 year old little girl who dreamed of saving the world through science. I still love it and find it completely fulfilling, but it competes with the time I can spend with my family. If I stay on the path I've been on, my days and evenings (and yes, even weekends) will be filled with grant applications, traveling to speaking engagements and conferences on top of research and teaching. Is there some sort of compromise? I wish I had the answer.
As I approach the end of my endentured servanthood (i.e. grad student), I am weighing my options. How important is it to me to do actual research? Are there other ways I can contribute to society within my field? What else can I do with my degree? I've only done research, am I capable of something else?
I've learned a few things from countless seminars, job fairs, etc. One is that a path one takes to their ultimate profession is never straight. There are lots of bumps, wrong turns and detours along the way. It's okay for me to try something else, even if it doesn't work out. I've also learned that it's never too late to reinvent yourself. In fact, in this workplace and economy, it's almost essential that you do so every 5-10 years. Alright, so maybe my next move isn't the decisive factor in who I will be. Maybe its just a stepping stone or specific experience that makes me stand out in a crowd. Maybe I don't need to put so much pressure on my choices now. Maybe I'm ready to try something new. After all, I tried being a mom and look how much I love that!
Linking up at The Anderson Family Crew
Monday, October 3, 2011
Panic button!
Ok, ok, I know. My posts have been a bit fewer these days. Between my sister actually requesting more blog updates and the new tab screen on Internet Explorer saying that blogger has been "less active", I've received the message, loud and clear!
The thing is, I've actually spent a great deal of time writing lately, my thesis that is! I am aspiring to graduate this December, defending my thesis on December 2nd. That's the plan and what I've been working towards ever since I found out my boss was leaving the university and I had better get my act in gear. All along, I've been thinking "December, I have time. December, I have time..." Last week, B said to me, "Are you going to be able to finish in two months?" Two months, who was he kidding, I had until December! Except that it was the end of September and I'm defending on the second day of December, so really, yeah, two months.
(Here's where I go into a spiral of panic!)
I've been working on the same three experiments/goals since July with limited success. I've finally finished my first author paper manuscript and got that off my to do list, now my actual thesis is looming in front of me (all while trying to finish those same three experiments). ARRRGGGHHH!
So, I apologize if I haven't updated more, but between being nauseous (and throwing up in the morning), researching, reading and writing for my thesis, and trying to get these last darn experiments to work when everything in the world of research that can go wrong will, I just haven't been able to do many blog updates. (Seriously, between cell contamination, my incubator breaking, and my supplies being back ordered, what else can go wrong? No. Wait. I'd rather not find out, thank-you-very-much.)
I have found some time to do some crafting. I'll try to write some updates about those very soon. Here are some hints, courtesy of pinterest (are you following me there yet? check it out! http://pinterest.com/melissa_w_hayes)
I'm also doing some custom dresses for a friend for their annual family photo shoot. The material just came in this weekend and is waiting to be washed. Their two adorable girls will be wearing pillowcase dresses in these fabrics:
The thing is, I've actually spent a great deal of time writing lately, my thesis that is! I am aspiring to graduate this December, defending my thesis on December 2nd. That's the plan and what I've been working towards ever since I found out my boss was leaving the university and I had better get my act in gear. All along, I've been thinking "December, I have time. December, I have time..." Last week, B said to me, "Are you going to be able to finish in two months?" Two months, who was he kidding, I had until December! Except that it was the end of September and I'm defending on the second day of December, so really, yeah, two months.
(Here's where I go into a spiral of panic!)
I've been working on the same three experiments/goals since July with limited success. I've finally finished my first author paper manuscript and got that off my to do list, now my actual thesis is looming in front of me (all while trying to finish those same three experiments). ARRRGGGHHH!
So, I apologize if I haven't updated more, but between being nauseous (and throwing up in the morning), researching, reading and writing for my thesis, and trying to get these last darn experiments to work when everything in the world of research that can go wrong will, I just haven't been able to do many blog updates. (Seriously, between cell contamination, my incubator breaking, and my supplies being back ordered, what else can go wrong? No. Wait. I'd rather not find out, thank-you-very-much.)
I have found some time to do some crafting. I'll try to write some updates about those very soon. Here are some hints, courtesy of pinterest (are you following me there yet? check it out! http://pinterest.com/melissa_w_hayes)
I'm also doing some custom dresses for a friend for their annual family photo shoot. The material just came in this weekend and is waiting to be washed. Their two adorable girls will be wearing pillowcase dresses in these fabrics:
So that's the update. I'm about to get waist deep in the exciting details of the "inflammasome". If you're interested, maybe I'll write a post about what I actually research. Since you're probably not interested, I'll write some updates about my craft projects very soon. Pinky swear!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
I've been busy doing math.
So I'm finding I have less time to write my blog these days. I used to be able to work on each piece while in lab. The beauty of my job is that each experiment always has "incubation times". These times vary from 5 minutes to an hour to three hours, so I usually try to find something to do in between and voila! - my blog fit neatly into that space.
However, now that the crunch is on and I MUST GRADUATE, I am finding my incubation times filled with another experement to set up, and then another one, and then another. My lab mate looked quizzically at me yesterday as I stopped in my tracks obviously lost in my thoughts. "Doing math?" he joked. "Trying to figure out how I'm going to do 32 plates of plaque assays tomorrow", I replied. He laughed as only one who understands that amount of work can laugh - he's sort of going through the same thing. (By the way, normally, we only do 4-8 plates a day, with 8 being a lot.) (So, yeah, I guess the answer to his question was that I was doing math. :)
The benefit of all this craziness is that my mentor is finally being just that - a mentor, truly for the first time in 4 years. We sit across from each other and discuss data, strategy, timelines. He assists me in writing my first paper manuscript and how to prepare my figures. He's actually showed some human emotion and been more of a three dimensional person. Man, it really stinks that he's leaving and that it took him leaving for me to see what his mentorship could be! I'm really going to miss him! He's been more demanding of my time, hence the multiple experiments in addition to draft requests over the weekend, but I almost don't even mind when he's so willing to work with me.
Anyways, these updates may be more scattered in the weeks to come, but I'm going to do my best to work in some blog time... as well as gym time, sewing time, and me time, anyone else feel like there's never enough time?
However, now that the crunch is on and I MUST GRADUATE, I am finding my incubation times filled with another experement to set up, and then another one, and then another. My lab mate looked quizzically at me yesterday as I stopped in my tracks obviously lost in my thoughts. "Doing math?" he joked. "Trying to figure out how I'm going to do 32 plates of plaque assays tomorrow", I replied. He laughed as only one who understands that amount of work can laugh - he's sort of going through the same thing. (By the way, normally, we only do 4-8 plates a day, with 8 being a lot.) (So, yeah, I guess the answer to his question was that I was doing math. :)
The benefit of all this craziness is that my mentor is finally being just that - a mentor, truly for the first time in 4 years. We sit across from each other and discuss data, strategy, timelines. He assists me in writing my first paper manuscript and how to prepare my figures. He's actually showed some human emotion and been more of a three dimensional person. Man, it really stinks that he's leaving and that it took him leaving for me to see what his mentorship could be! I'm really going to miss him! He's been more demanding of my time, hence the multiple experiments in addition to draft requests over the weekend, but I almost don't even mind when he's so willing to work with me.
Anyways, these updates may be more scattered in the weeks to come, but I'm going to do my best to work in some blog time... as well as gym time, sewing time, and me time, anyone else feel like there's never enough time?
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