The Miracle Clean

When I was recovering from labor with T, I spent my 48 hour hospital stay watching HGTV.  I was completely hooked on home improvement shows and loved all the kitchen they featured with granite counters and stainless steel appliances.  Not long afterward, we did our own kitchen remodel that I wrote about here.

We just finished the kitchen renovation of the apartment we rent out.  We wanted to upgrade our stove, so we planned a little switcheroo, our one-year old stove to the apartment and a new stove for us.  The problem is that after one year, our "stainless" steel stove looked like this:

I've tried several stainless steel cleaners and none of them removed the water stains.  It looked terrible.  I felt horrible sending it over to the new apartment kitchen.  A little research on Google turned up some recommendation for silver polish or Bartender's Keeper, but I was home alone with the girls sleeping upstairs and couldn't go anywhere, so my search continued for something I already had.  And that's when I discovered a recommendation for WD-40.

In disbelief, I tried a tiny area first.  I was completely shocked and in an instant, I had removed all of the water stains from the oven door!

Looks amazing, right?!  Like new, you might say?  I went on to remove the grease that had remained on the control panel as well.  Suffice it to say that when the stove went to the apartment, it fit right in with the new fridge and microwave!

All thanks to my new little friend!...

Monday Blues

I've noticed these past few months that Mondays are hard days for my girls.  We've just spent the weekend together doing family things: errands, big breakfast, trip to the playground or zoo.  We really make the most of those two days together.

Come Monday, the fun grinds to a halt and we're back in the zone: get up, get dressed, eat up, get your coat on and get out the door.  T seems especially sad on Mondays.  Sometimes she shows it by being thoughtful and drawn inward.  Sometimes, she's outright defiant and pushing every-single-button.  Most times, she just doesn't say goodbye as we drop Daddy off or give me kisses as I leave her at daycare.

Mondays are hard.

Yesterday, she was especially sad.  Knowing that we have a long weekend and a trip home coming up, I thought I would cheer her up with this good news.  She responded well and seemed much happier.  She loves going to Grammie's house and seeing her "friends", aka her cousins.

A few more minutes into our trip, K started to whine and howl.  Being the amazing big sister she is, T tried to comfort her with this, "Don't worry K.  Just a few days of school and then they won't leave us anymore!".

That was the sound of my heart breaking.

I spent a couple more minutes hugging her yesterday morning, and afternoon, and night, and again this morning.  I reminded her how much we love her and that we miss her too during the day.  I also reminded her how much she loves her teacher Ms. Vecky and how much fun she has at daycare.  Maybe all we need is a good long vacation together.  Maybe I just needed a reminder that I have amazing daughters who love their mom and dad so much.

Maybe, just maybe, I'm doing something right.

So encouraged

I have been overwhelmed by the love and support I received after yesterday's blog post.  So many of you commented, sent private messages, text messages or called to encourage me and send your love.  Thank you so much for everything!  I am truly lucky because of the love and support I receive from all of you - my extended family!

In particular, I'd like to thank a couple of people.  My sister- and brother-in-law have benefitted from Early Intervention with their daughter for 4 years now.  I know we have benefitted from what you have learned from them!  You guys are a testament to true parental dedication.  Every time we visit, we see K's amazing progress.  I so enjoyed talking with her this last trip and understanding her so easily!  EI has definitely been working for her!  She is an amazing little girl who we love so much!  It is heart breaking when she is mistreated for being "different" when she is no different at all!  K is a beautiful, sweet, fun, loving girl and we are so thankful she is part of our family and such a good friend to T!

Two weeks after your wedding and still in love! :)

My cousin, E, thank you for your support and understanding yesterday.  I can't imagine hearing those words about not one, but two babies at the same time!  I totally facebook stalk you and love to see their progress and how they are definitely thriving now!  You've got your hands full with three littles, but its easy to see what a great mom you are!  Thanks for the love!

We both had on some interesting prints that year! Haha!

My BFF, J! You have been there for me since 6th grade!!  Remember the BFF heart necklaces?  I would totally wear your other half still. ;)  I love you so much and treasure your friendship.  Its more than that, you are my sister. Muah!

Love how I and T are eyeing each other here!

My mom.  What can I say?  Now that I'm a mom, I'd like to apologize for all the heartache I caused you growing up, and maybe still cause!  Really though, I'm ok.  I tend to let my worried and sad thoughts come out on "paper" and just roll with and enjoy the good times.  As such, my blog gets a little unbalanced.  You know better than anyone that I have always struggled with demanding more of myself than I should, that I always felt/feel the need to be perfect, etc.  I'd like to say I'm getting better about it, but I really just find more things to "challenge" myself.  Its just who I am.  I do recognize it though, and make a conscious effort to make sure my girls know it is okay to make mistakes.

K was so tiny the last time you visited!

And to everyone else, thanks again for the outpouring of love.  You guys are the best!  I'm thankful that I have this blog as an outlet for my thoughts and experiences and even more thankful that you guys actually read it!  Whether you are family, BFFs, old classmates, long lost friends, or colleagues, you all have helped this momma through some darker times and allowed me to share some of our joys and accomplishments.  Thanks for all your feedback and for reading!

Early Intervention

What is it about the phrase "Early Intervention" that makes me feel like a failure, like a mom who just can't hack it, like I'm letting my kids down?

"I have a PhD, for crying out loud, why can't I fix this?", is one of the many ongoing accusatory conversations going on in my head.

Is it just me, or do all moms continually beat themselves up like this and hold themselves accountable for every little thing?

Since K's 9 month check up, we've been in catch up mode: catch up on weight, catch up on length, catch up on social skills, catch up on gross motor skills.  To her credit, she's actually accomplished a lot in a few weeks, even if it was delayed.  Scooting, crawling, sitting up, and lots of babbles.  But it wasn't enough and we sat through screening yesterday to see if she qualified for early intervention services.  Her communication skills were behind, just a little, and we're going to watch those to see if she catches up in the next few months.  Her gross motor skills had improved drastically and she was actually doing okay in that category, except for the way she places her feet, qualifying her for services to correct her atypical behavior.

Coming out of the appointment, my husband and I were in separate worlds.  To him, the appointment went great!  She showed them all the things she could do.  The two major deficiencies were either something we could watch and coach, or were physical and now she would see specialists that could help her.

As for me, I broke down crying as we walked out of the doctors office.  How could I have failed my baby so badly?

Its amazing how mother's guilt can take over and block out all rational thought.  Of course, my husband was right.  I didn't do anything to make her hold her feet funny.  But those thoughts couldn't break through the mommy-guilt.  Through the rest of the day, my emotions were just barely held back as I tried to focus on work.  Afterwards, I pick up the girls and hugged them both a little tighter than usual.

In the light of the next day, I'm feeling slightly better about what lies ahead, but there's still a nagging guilt just out of my line of sight.  I know in five years, none of this is going to matter and I'll be talking with her about gymnastics or ballet and she'll be just fine.  I'm just going to need a pep talk or two along the way to keep drowning in my own guilt.

I should mention that K did awesome in some categories, putting her achievement beyond her age, like in the receptive communication skills and fine motor skills.  All together, its a lesson to me that we all excel at some things and not others.  I guess that starts very early in life!

Me vs. the StinkBug Part Two

Say hello to my little friend...

(If you missed part one, click here)

Friday morning, finally.  Thursday nights are rough with the kids and B working late, but it was Friday and that meant the weekend and sleeping in until 5:30am - woohoo! (there really should be a scarstic font)  I had pressed snooze once and was running a bit late.  K decided to go back to waking up twice a night and I was more tired than usual.  Rushing, I was trying to make up for lost time.  That 9 minute snooze seemed like a great idea and was heavenly while tucked in and warm under my 17 blankets, but now I was regretting it.  Drying, brushing, brushing, flossing, hurrying through my morning routine.  I turned around to leave my bathroom when I saw him.

He was back.

He was in my bathroom.

And, he was looking at me.

Okay, breathe, breathe.  Get yourself together.  You're the only one awake.  You'll look ridiculous if you wake up B screaming about another stinkbug.  Calm down, calm down, calm down.

He was walking towards me.

Oh no, oh no, ohnoohnoohnoohnoohno!!!!

I grabbed the tall, hard plastic cup from the shower, the one I use to rinse the girls' hair in the tub and quickly and gently placed it over the vermin.  It's okay, I'll bleach it later.

Ok, ok, ok.  Back to business.  Just finish getting ready.  When you're all done, you'll slide a piece of paper underneath, go down stairs and take him outside.  The girls aren't up yet.  You just have to be quiet so you don't wake them up and freak them out.  YOU CAN DO THIS!

I finished getting dressed, but unfortunately, my shoes were down stairs.  This made me feel particularly vulnerable.  I didn't want to just shake him out the window or just outside the door because if I did that and he jumped back at me... well, that was a thought I couldn't entertain.  I would just slide my shoes on downstairs, take him out to the tree and let him go.

I timed the extraction with B heading downstairs so he could hold the stair gate and door open for me.  I ran outside, straight for the tree and removed the piece of paper holding the bug in the cup.

But, he wasn't on the paper.

I hesitated, but made myself look inside the cup (he won't jump, he won't jump, he won't jump...).

He wasn't there either.

AAGRGRHAGARGRGAHAGGRHAGARHRGAHAGRHARGAGRHARGAGRHA!

Where is that stupid, disgusting, smelly, ugly, annoying, going to crawl all over my face in my sleep bug!!!!!!

Running upstairs, I searched the bathroom, the bedroom, the old hiding spot (under the dresser of course) but couldn't locate the nasty thing.

For the last 4 hours, I have been twitching, squirming, itching, and dying a little inside.  Is he on me?  Is he on my pillow?  I'm never going to sleep again.

Stink Bug - 2, Mommy - 0

Mark my words Stinky, this is NOT OVER!!!